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In the autobiography of William Neill (1778-1860) — who would serve at various times as a Presbyterian minister, President of Dickinson College and as Secretary of the Board of Education of the Presbyterian Church (USA) — there is an account of his conversion, which stirs the soul of readers, whether of the 19th century or the 21st.
When it became known that I was beginning to be thoughtful on the subject of religion, the pious students of the [Canonsburg] Academy took opportunities of conversing with me, and, by degrees, drew me into their society and to their prayer-meetings. This was of great service to me in my ignorance of divine things and under my incipient convictions. I now betook myself to secret prayer and the serious reading of the Bible, and was punctual in my attendance on public worship. I became, in a word, deeply concerned about the salvation of my soul, and soon made arrangements to quit the service of Mr. White and devote myself to study, with a view to the ministry, if I should become, hopefully, a subject of redeeming grace. This was an important movement, and it cost me some anxious thoughtfulness. My patrimony was small, quite inadequate, I knew, to the expense of a good education, and I had no wealthy relatives to look to for aid; yet, after serious deliberation, I resolved, with a sort of vague trust in Divine Providence, to make the attempt, and proceed as far as. I could. Accordingly I entered the Academy and opened my Latin Grammar, if my memory serves me well, in the year 1797. But as yet, I had no satisfactory evidence of a change of heart. My solicitude on the subject, however, continued, and, of course, I sought the society of the pious, and threw myself in the way of good influences; "following on," as it is expressed in Scripture, "to know the Lord" — seeking him in the ways of his appointment as opportunities offered. I began to relish religious services, and to esteem the Sabbath a blessing, and the courts of God's house amiable. With these feelings I often walked eight or ten miles to be present on sacramental occasions, in neighbouring congregations, which were generally very solemn, and in which the exercises were usually continued for several days in succession.
It was on one of those blissful occasions that, I humbly hope, I was enabled to commit my soul to Christ, renouncing all confidence in the flesh, and acquiescing joyfully in the glorious gospel plan of salvation by free grace. I do not attach undue importance, I trust, to time and place in the matter of conversion ; but there is a time, and there is a place, when and where the regenerate soul is born into the kingdom, and there are some cases so strongly marked in relation to both, that they can never be forgotten. It is a great change; it is from darkness to light, from enmity to love, from a state of death in sin to that of spiritual life and peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ. Such a change, with some of its attendants or associations of time, place, and means, will be very likely to be had in grateful remembrance. But I would be far from making these circumstances, striking as they are in some instances, essential to all cases of genuine conversion. God is not confined to specific modes or means in his work of mercy; but we may humbly tell what he has done for our souls, and should remember, if we can, where, and when, and by what means he rescued us from impending ruin. However different may have been the experience of others, I, for one, cannot soon forget the circumstances in which the Lord appeared in the plenitude of his gracious power to my soul, and, as I trust, changed my mournful state. It was on a tranquil summer's evening, away from human view, in the closet of a dense wood, at the eventide hour for secret devotion, after attendance on the services of the sanctuary, and while Divine truth was yet bearing down upon conscience, alone with God, I felt guilty, and confessed that
"If my soul were sent to hell,
God's righteous law approved it well."My heart was burdened. I was without strength, and yet without excuse; means were inefficient, the arm of human power was withered) and could not be stretched forth without Divine aid. What could guilty helplessness do, but cry for mercy? There was the throne of grace, and thence there seemed to issue a voice fraught with good tidings of great joy, "My grace is sufficient for thee;" "My strength is perfected in weakness;" "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." It is enough. The word is with power and in demonstration of the Spirit. The deaf ear is unstopped, the dark mind enlightened, the will subdued, the heart softened, and the whole soul sweetly won over to God, on his own terms, and "Christ is all, and in all." Can all this be a delusion? I think not. The individual may be deceived, for "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." We should look well to our experience, testing it by the word of truth, which liveth and abideth for ever. Nor is regeneration to be regarded as releasing us from the obligation of "giving all diligence to make our calling and election sure." It is but the commencement of the Christian warfare. We are to watch and pray, and labour in our Lord's vineyard, pressing onward toward the mark, for the prize of our high calling of God in Christ Jesus. The conscious debtor to free grace, will, as opportunity serves, keep the Redeemer's commandments.
Neill’s account of his conversion is profound, inspiring and reminds us of the beauty of divine grace. How we ought to remember each day God’s mercy and grace to us, and pray for burdened sinners to know the same!
